so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
