Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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