i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
