Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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