I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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