There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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