I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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