I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
