I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
