Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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