I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
