capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
