had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
