just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
