Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
