I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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