we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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