So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
