How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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