Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
