Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
