he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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