You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We had sex on a dog bed..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
