I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
