just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
