I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
