It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
