you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
