I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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