So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
