I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
