i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
