i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
