sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
