You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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