I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
