Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
