I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
