matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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