Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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