ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
