He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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