This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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