I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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