Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Houston, we have a blender
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
