How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
