Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
