the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
