I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
