I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
